Note from the Editor: Creepiest Album Covers Ever

A couple of days ago I was perusing my local Value Village and I came across what was probably one of the creepiest album covers I'd ever seen.  What make it creepier is that it wasn't done by some none-charting loser, or even a one hit wonder.  It was by Burton Cummings.  Yes, the man who reaps most of the benefits of Can-Con has album cover with him suggestively looming over a young boy.  

Notice the kids uncomfortably placed blanket?  Ew.
Anyways, since I don't have anything else to show you today, I decided to put up 10 of the creepiest album covers I could find.  I mostly just used a Google image search for this, but if you're looking for more there are good lists at 2spare, Cover Browser, and Worst Album Covers of all Time.

10. Scorpions: Lovedrive

This whole list could have been composed intirely of Scorpions albums.  Seriously.  Do a google image search for Scorpions albums.... They even have an album with what appears to be a naked child on it.  I couldn't even bring myself to link it.  It's safe to say, that even in their younger years, Scorpions consisted entirely of dirty old men.

9. Millie Jackson: Back to the S_ _ t!

Scorpions and Millie Jackson combined could make up a top 100 list of bad albums (each album counts as 2.... that's how bad they are).  Who bought this?  Could you imagine having to go a record shop and pick this up for a friend?  Your friend sucks.

8. Eric Carmen: Tonight You're Mine

Record Exec: Um... so explain your album cover idea again?
Eric Carmen: It's soo simple!  I'm forcefully dry-humping a women on the set of Tron.  What's not to get?

7. Prince: Naked Picture

I don't even know if this is from an album or not, and to tell you the truth, I don't really care.  bleagh. That's the sound of me spitting up in my mouth.  How'd this guy become a sex symbol? Anyone? Anyone?

6.Ted Nugent: Love Grenade

Well played Ted.  This is what happens when hunting big game gets too boring.  Ted Nugent hunts down a women and puts a grenade in her mouth because... well, I don't know, because he hates women?  This was a limited edition cover, so finding it to frame and put on the wall in your favorite redneck's  trailer might prove difficult. 

5. Herbie Mann: Push Push

This photo was obviously taken after Mann dropped his flute into a vat of bacon fat and had to go diving after it.  that's the only explanation really, I didn't even to look it up.  People forget that Herbie is a very talented Flutist.... of coarse they do, look at that picture again.   This would be the album cover if Ron Burgandy recorded it. 

4. The Hansome Beasts: Beastiality

I just want to bring to your attention that not one, but probably a bunch of people had to be ok with this cover to have it released.  The band.  The record label execs.  The fat bastard who was probably paid in pig.  Even the petting zoo had to Ok this, and give them a slot of time to prepare and take the photo.  Oh man, that would be the worst planned family trip to the petting zoo ever. Ever.

3. The Cooper Family: I'm God's Child

There are MANY example of poorly planned religious album covers.  This isn't the first, and it probably won't be the last.  This is just a taste.  To be fair the family looks pretty reasonable, until you get to the second dad in the middle.... that's a women?.... oh.

2. Kevin Rowland: My beauty

This looks like the meanest practical joke ever.  

1. My Pussy Belongs to Daddy: Faye Richmonde

Um..... hmm.  So, this was a novelty album from the 50's so they probably had some idea... but My Pussy Belongs to Daddy?  really?  I feel dirty.  See you guys later.


Alexis Marsh said...

Bleah is right to all. Poor Herbie though...nice job Shawn.

Joel Emberson said...

just so you are aware, your "blog" now contains swear words AND nudity... Shame on you... that is to say... AWESOME! lol

Seriously that Burton cummins album cover has always creeped me out.

keep up the good bloggin'

Shawn William Clarke said...

thanks Joel, Next post I'll try to have some violence and sex to spice things up.

Shawn William Clarke said...

thanks Joel, Next post I'll try to have some violence and sex to spice things up.

Beth said...

this entry made me spit out my froot loops not once, but twice!! high fives and hand jobs to you my friend

Shawn William Clarke said...

woo, I love both of those things!!

Nicklas Foresti said...

A link to the really annoying and utterly disturbing piece of music: